Once again I have discovered that blogging is a great way to procrastinate!
I really should be writing application stuff for the course I want to do next year, but instead I'm posting on my blog for the first time in over a month. Maybe that's why I haven't posted anywhere near as much this year as last year - because I don't have any study to procrastinate from. Or maybe not. Anyway that's enough rambling about that.
So I don't really have a lot to say. Work is good :) I still can't believe how much I like waitressing. I've been working at the place I'm at now for over seven months now - and I've worked as a waitress at various places for another 4 months on top of that. And I still like it. So if I can't get a job in social work after I finish studying then at least I'll always have a job I like.
My flat is boring and lonely at the moment. Ruth and Sarah moved out and went on placement for the rest of the year :( And Esther went on holiday for two weeks :( So it's just me and Florent (the new french flatmate) at the moment. And he's not home very much when I'm home. But Esther gets back at the end of the week. And Stacia (the new Aussie flatmate) arrives in a week. So then it will be much more interesting and fun again.
That's about all in the life of Ray at the moment!
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
4 months later...
So it appears to be 4 months since I last posted. Almost five months in fact. So here's a summary of the important parts of the last five months:
Work is good. I like waitressing. I don't like working early mornings. And I complain about getting up so early especially because it's really really really cold at 5am at the moment. But I still really like work. And I got promoted. And it is good. And my work mates are great. And people I serve are cool too (mostly!).
I like my flat. I like my flatmates more. They are fun and lovely. And they care. And then they go away and I miss them. I get lonely with only one flatmate around. I like to be around people.
I like people. Lots. I like friends. And flatmates. And people from church. And workmates. And people I don't know. People are fantastic.
I like God. God likes me. The second bit is quite a revelation to me. And I am trying to get my head around it. And to actually believe it. But it is really great. Yay for a cool God!
I like friends. Friends are wonderful. I don't like that I don't get to do stuff with friends much 'cos of silly work hours. I don't like that I haven't had much chance to do any spur of the moment silly things with others recently.
I like sleep. And sleep in's. I think I like it even more now that I very really get to sleep in. I like getting eight hours sleep in a row. I don't like that that often doesn't happen at the moment. Once again stupid work hours. I don't like split sleeping (a few hours nap in afternoon, get up for a few hours and do stuff with flatmates/friends, then back to sleep for sixish hours).
Funny how five months of life can be summed up in six paragraphs. There are lots more 'I like...' sentences than 'I don't like...' sentences. Makes me realise how much I have to thank God for :)
Work is good. I like waitressing. I don't like working early mornings. And I complain about getting up so early especially because it's really really really cold at 5am at the moment. But I still really like work. And I got promoted. And it is good. And my work mates are great. And people I serve are cool too (mostly!).
I like my flat. I like my flatmates more. They are fun and lovely. And they care. And then they go away and I miss them. I get lonely with only one flatmate around. I like to be around people.
I like people. Lots. I like friends. And flatmates. And people from church. And workmates. And people I don't know. People are fantastic.
I like God. God likes me. The second bit is quite a revelation to me. And I am trying to get my head around it. And to actually believe it. But it is really great. Yay for a cool God!
I like friends. Friends are wonderful. I don't like that I don't get to do stuff with friends much 'cos of silly work hours. I don't like that I haven't had much chance to do any spur of the moment silly things with others recently.
I like sleep. And sleep in's. I think I like it even more now that I very really get to sleep in. I like getting eight hours sleep in a row. I don't like that that often doesn't happen at the moment. Once again stupid work hours. I don't like split sleeping (a few hours nap in afternoon, get up for a few hours and do stuff with flatmates/friends, then back to sleep for sixish hours).
Funny how five months of life can be summed up in six paragraphs. There are lots more 'I like...' sentences than 'I don't like...' sentences. Makes me realise how much I have to thank God for :)
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Weekends, marriage proposals, and other ramblings
English is a confusing language. The opposite of the word 'out' is the word 'in'. So it would make sense that the opposite of the word 'without' would be 'within'. But it isn't. Instead the opposite of the word 'without' is the word 'with'. And just to make things even more confusing the word 'within' means something completely unrelated.
Anyway that was a tangent. What I was actually going to post about was the fact that I have an entire weekend off. To many people that will seem like a strange thing to be excited about but when you work shift work, and you only normally get one day off, sometime in the middle of the week, having both Saturday and Sunday off is a very unusual, and very exciting occassion! It means I can sleep in. And I can do social stuff. And I don't have to be asleep by 9.30 to get 8 hours sleep.
Last night at work one of the customers told me that if he wasn't already married he would marry me. Slightly disturbing coming from a man who is probably 70+, it certainly breaks the half + 7 rule! Of course he was only joking. Someone else told me that I was their favourite waitress! And another person said that I'd be the manager soon. Lots of warm fuzzies for one night :) Good thing too because this morning was crazily busy and the buffet wasn't set up when the first group arrived because the early starter slept through her alarm (and her cellphone was turned off). No time for warm fuzzies this morning, I was running around like a maniac!
Anyway time for me to go and have a nana nap now. I have to work again tonight and tommorrow morning - and I'm already really tired!!!
Anyway that was a tangent. What I was actually going to post about was the fact that I have an entire weekend off. To many people that will seem like a strange thing to be excited about but when you work shift work, and you only normally get one day off, sometime in the middle of the week, having both Saturday and Sunday off is a very unusual, and very exciting occassion! It means I can sleep in. And I can do social stuff. And I don't have to be asleep by 9.30 to get 8 hours sleep.
Last night at work one of the customers told me that if he wasn't already married he would marry me. Slightly disturbing coming from a man who is probably 70+, it certainly breaks the half + 7 rule! Of course he was only joking. Someone else told me that I was their favourite waitress! And another person said that I'd be the manager soon. Lots of warm fuzzies for one night :) Good thing too because this morning was crazily busy and the buffet wasn't set up when the first group arrived because the early starter slept through her alarm (and her cellphone was turned off). No time for warm fuzzies this morning, I was running around like a maniac!
Anyway time for me to go and have a nana nap now. I have to work again tonight and tommorrow morning - and I'm already really tired!!!
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
I forgot...
...if anyone has a few spare hours on Monday morning/early afternoon next week me and Ruth would appreciate some help to move. Also if anyone happens to have a trailer that we could borrow for four or five hours or so that would be great. Otherwise we will hire one :)
Monday, February 06, 2006
Ruth is really awesome :)
Ruth told me to call this post that. But it's true anyway. I like Ruth. She is lovely and fun and happy and other good stuff. This sounds like Ruth is writing this. But she isn't. This is actually Ray.
Maybe you can tell I don't have anything much to say. Today was my day off. And tommorrow too. It is exciting to have two days in a row off. And exciting not to have to get up at 5.30 in the morning for two whole days.
Today I did lots of packing. My room is looking quite empty. The lounge on the other hand is getting rather full of me and Ruth's boxes.
I also washed my car today. Now the windows are streaky. I will have to fix them tomorrow. It is hard to wash car windscreens when you can barely reach the middle of them anyway :)
I really don't have anything much to say. I bought some drawers the other day. I have lived without drawers for the last two years. I'm not sure how I did it. Especially this year when I had no wardrobe as well. I am quite excited about having drawers.
We still have a calendar from last year on our wall. Maybe I should take it down.
Okay enough rambling from me for now. I told you I had nothing to say.
Maybe you can tell I don't have anything much to say. Today was my day off. And tommorrow too. It is exciting to have two days in a row off. And exciting not to have to get up at 5.30 in the morning for two whole days.
Today I did lots of packing. My room is looking quite empty. The lounge on the other hand is getting rather full of me and Ruth's boxes.
I also washed my car today. Now the windows are streaky. I will have to fix them tomorrow. It is hard to wash car windscreens when you can barely reach the middle of them anyway :)
I really don't have anything much to say. I bought some drawers the other day. I have lived without drawers for the last two years. I'm not sure how I did it. Especially this year when I had no wardrobe as well. I am quite excited about having drawers.
We still have a calendar from last year on our wall. Maybe I should take it down.
Okay enough rambling from me for now. I told you I had nothing to say.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Work and stuff
It has been a long time since I posted anything. Mainly because I'm normally a positive, cheerful person and the last few weeks have seemed to be pretty crap and I don't want to make others feel bad by complaining. Although I have been doing a fair amount of complaining to people in person anyway (I'm sorry)!
For those who don't know what is up I'm just going to say work troubles and explain briefly. Sorry about the lack of details but a number of people who read this blog know more anyway, and those who don't can ask me if they want to know :) Basically work isn't going well, which makes me feel useless and means I worry about work a lot and dread going to work, which in turn makes me feel bad because it is only a minor thing especially compared to problems so many other people have to face every day.
Today I moved to another hotel in the same chain. I don't want to comment on this because I've only had one shift and that's not enough to know if it's going to be any better or not.
So that's whats up in Ray's world at the moment. Sorry about the negativity of this post but I'm just saying it as I see it at the moment. And sorry it's all about work but work and work worries seem to be consuming my life lately so I really have nothing else to say.
For those who don't know what is up I'm just going to say work troubles and explain briefly. Sorry about the lack of details but a number of people who read this blog know more anyway, and those who don't can ask me if they want to know :) Basically work isn't going well, which makes me feel useless and means I worry about work a lot and dread going to work, which in turn makes me feel bad because it is only a minor thing especially compared to problems so many other people have to face every day.
Today I moved to another hotel in the same chain. I don't want to comment on this because I've only had one shift and that's not enough to know if it's going to be any better or not.
So that's whats up in Ray's world at the moment. Sorry about the negativity of this post but I'm just saying it as I see it at the moment. And sorry it's all about work but work and work worries seem to be consuming my life lately so I really have nothing else to say.
Friday, December 16, 2005
Yay for jobs!!!
I have a job. I am going to be waitressing at a hotel in Christchurch. I'm not sure which one in the particular chain yet but I find out on Wednesday when I have a meeting with the people who are hiring me.
I had an interview with them the other day and they are lovely. And it seems like they like me as well. So this means that I can stop being incredibly bored all day every day and earn some money so I can pay my rent and I get to spend lots of time with lots of different people. I like waitressing!
Yay for jobs :)
I had an interview with them the other day and they are lovely. And it seems like they like me as well. So this means that I can stop being incredibly bored all day every day and earn some money so I can pay my rent and I get to spend lots of time with lots of different people. I like waitressing!
Yay for jobs :)
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Job Hunting is Boring
I admire people who spend so long after they finish at uni looking for a 'proper job'. I have been looking for a job for two and half weeks and I am bored out of my brain. And I'm not even looking for a 'proper job'.
I have finished my BA (as I told Ruth I am now qualified to be a sheep!). I'm going to have to do more study to do the things I want to do but I'm having a break from uni for a year or two first. So I am currently looking for a job doing waitressing (which I did last summer and enjoyed). So far I have applied for about 8 jobs, and have heard back from one place.
I've had an interview at one place and I don't think the job is what I am looking for. Too formal and kind of unfriendly feeling... so if I get offered the job I plan to turn it down. But as the days go by and I get more and more bored I keep thinking maybe I should take the job. I hear back later today or tomorrow...
Anyway applying for jobs can only take up a small proportion of time and I've been doing very little else. I think I need to find things to do in the evenings. The last two nights both my flatties have been out and having nothing else to do I watch bad tv and feel sleepy because I always do when there are no other people around.
Anyway maybe I'll go and organise Sunday School for this week (which I never do till Saturday) for lack of anything else to do :)
I have finished my BA (as I told Ruth I am now qualified to be a sheep!). I'm going to have to do more study to do the things I want to do but I'm having a break from uni for a year or two first. So I am currently looking for a job doing waitressing (which I did last summer and enjoyed). So far I have applied for about 8 jobs, and have heard back from one place.
I've had an interview at one place and I don't think the job is what I am looking for. Too formal and kind of unfriendly feeling... so if I get offered the job I plan to turn it down. But as the days go by and I get more and more bored I keep thinking maybe I should take the job. I hear back later today or tomorrow...
Anyway applying for jobs can only take up a small proportion of time and I've been doing very little else. I think I need to find things to do in the evenings. The last two nights both my flatties have been out and having nothing else to do I watch bad tv and feel sleepy because I always do when there are no other people around.
Anyway maybe I'll go and organise Sunday School for this week (which I never do till Saturday) for lack of anything else to do :)
Sunday, November 13, 2005
It's been ages since I last posted so I figured I should write another post.
Exams are over, yay :) I think they all went ok.
I've been in Blenheim for the last week. I went up for my family 21st which was last Tuesday night. It was good to see all my grandparents who I haven't seen for a couple of years. And I was there for my brothers birthday too. And we celebrated my dad's birthday and my grandma's 75th, and my other grandma's 80th.
Anyway I got back to Christchurch last night and im glad to be back. Now I have to find a job before I run out of money :)
This post is incredibly boring especially considering I haven't posted at all in the last few weeks. You'd think I could find something interesting to say but I can't so I'm going to go.
Exams are over, yay :) I think they all went ok.
I've been in Blenheim for the last week. I went up for my family 21st which was last Tuesday night. It was good to see all my grandparents who I haven't seen for a couple of years. And I was there for my brothers birthday too. And we celebrated my dad's birthday and my grandma's 75th, and my other grandma's 80th.
Anyway I got back to Christchurch last night and im glad to be back. Now I have to find a job before I run out of money :)
This post is incredibly boring especially considering I haven't posted at all in the last few weeks. You'd think I could find something interesting to say but I can't so I'm going to go.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows
Ok well actually only sunshine but I am happy :)
This weekend was the best weekend I've had in a long time. I'm actually completely serious when I say I'd forgotten what it was like to have a weekend where I could just hang out with friends and not feel like I should be doing any work.
And now it is study week and I actually feel like I'm ready to start studying. Which is a big change from Friday lunchtime when I had just finished a test, and had handed in two completed assignments, the last of the 5 due in the last two weeks of term, and was feeling dead and totally unmotivated.
I went to Hanmer from Friday night till Saturday with some friends from church and had a great time relaxing and just hanging out with friends. Yay for friends, they are so cool :) Then yesterday I went to church in the morning, and then spent the rest of the day hanging out with friends, went to church again last night, then hung out with friends some more.
I really think that this weekend was possibly the best weekend I have ever had. I love just hanging out with friends, especially when I know I don't have anything else that I should be doing. People are my favourite.
And I'm excited about my future. There's so many things I want to do both short-term and long-term, and I still don't know how I'm going to do most of them but right now it doesn't seem to matter. I feel like I'm ready to try following God the way I should again. I know I'm going to stuff up but to be honest right now I don't care.
I am sunburnt which means summer is here, and it seems that I have reached summer in my life as well. Okay so not everything is perfect, in fact some things are far from it but I don't really care right now. I believe they call this feeling contentment...
This weekend was the best weekend I've had in a long time. I'm actually completely serious when I say I'd forgotten what it was like to have a weekend where I could just hang out with friends and not feel like I should be doing any work.
And now it is study week and I actually feel like I'm ready to start studying. Which is a big change from Friday lunchtime when I had just finished a test, and had handed in two completed assignments, the last of the 5 due in the last two weeks of term, and was feeling dead and totally unmotivated.
I went to Hanmer from Friday night till Saturday with some friends from church and had a great time relaxing and just hanging out with friends. Yay for friends, they are so cool :) Then yesterday I went to church in the morning, and then spent the rest of the day hanging out with friends, went to church again last night, then hung out with friends some more.
I really think that this weekend was possibly the best weekend I have ever had. I love just hanging out with friends, especially when I know I don't have anything else that I should be doing. People are my favourite.
And I'm excited about my future. There's so many things I want to do both short-term and long-term, and I still don't know how I'm going to do most of them but right now it doesn't seem to matter. I feel like I'm ready to try following God the way I should again. I know I'm going to stuff up but to be honest right now I don't care.
I am sunburnt which means summer is here, and it seems that I have reached summer in my life as well. Okay so not everything is perfect, in fact some things are far from it but I don't really care right now. I believe they call this feeling contentment...
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
I am sick of me!
okay so this post is really nothing like what the title makes it sound like. what I actually mean is I am bored of writing about me. I have a 4000 word essay due next week and the topic of the essay is writing about me. my adult development to be more specific. in fact my adult identity development and whether it lines up with the theory i chose to talk about. the next bit i have to write is where i get to make predictions about my future...How about this?
i will ride off into the sunset on a white horse with my handsome prince charming and live happily ever after
or
i will grow up and be a mad old women with 552 cats and will live in a house all by myself with 23 bathrooms
or how about this one
i will go absolutely bonkers because i wrote an essay about my life and it drove me mad and i never recovered
i have a brain
it is going insane
too much work to do
my mind has turned to goo
uni is just about over
only one essay, one lab report, one assignment, one test, and three exams to go
right i must go back to work
i will ride off into the sunset on a white horse with my handsome prince charming and live happily ever after
or
i will grow up and be a mad old women with 552 cats and will live in a house all by myself with 23 bathrooms
or how about this one
i will go absolutely bonkers because i wrote an essay about my life and it drove me mad and i never recovered
i have a brain
it is going insane
too much work to do
my mind has turned to goo
uni is just about over
only one essay, one lab report, one assignment, one test, and three exams to go
right i must go back to work
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
I am legally grown up :)
I am 21 now, which means that I am legally an adult. That does not mean that I'm going to act like a grown up though. I still like to play and do fun silly things (like that will ever change!)
Anyway my actual birthday was yesterday. Ruth stuck newspaper over my door in the morning but I got up while she was in the shower so she missed seeing me walk through it. She gave me some cool desk stuff. Yay for desk stuff :) Michelle gave some bath stuff including a foot shaped pumice thing with a foot brush thing on the back. She laughed at me because I got excited about the pumice! Pumice is very exciting. Michelle made me a cake too. I like cake. I like my flatmates too, they are very cool :) Thanks guys for making me feel special.
I went to uni like normal after that, except I came home earlier than normal. I got exciting birthday mail!!! A card from my brother, and one from two of my friends in Auckland. They made me a collage of silly photos of me :) It will be at my party on Saturday for anyone who wants to see. I also got a card from my grandparents which arrived on Tuesday.
My sister came round and gave me a present from her and my brother, and a card. I like my sister. She likes to be silly like me which makes for lots of fun when we get together. She took me out for a birthday hot chocolate.
Anyways that was my birthday. Yay for cool people who make me feel special. I like you all lots. People are cool :)
Anyways me and my flatmates are still curious about the mysterious but lovely giver of groceries... (see Mrs Yang's blog). If you happen to be reading this thankyou very muchly :)
Anyway my actual birthday was yesterday. Ruth stuck newspaper over my door in the morning but I got up while she was in the shower so she missed seeing me walk through it. She gave me some cool desk stuff. Yay for desk stuff :) Michelle gave some bath stuff including a foot shaped pumice thing with a foot brush thing on the back. She laughed at me because I got excited about the pumice! Pumice is very exciting. Michelle made me a cake too. I like cake. I like my flatmates too, they are very cool :) Thanks guys for making me feel special.
I went to uni like normal after that, except I came home earlier than normal. I got exciting birthday mail!!! A card from my brother, and one from two of my friends in Auckland. They made me a collage of silly photos of me :) It will be at my party on Saturday for anyone who wants to see. I also got a card from my grandparents which arrived on Tuesday.
My sister came round and gave me a present from her and my brother, and a card. I like my sister. She likes to be silly like me which makes for lots of fun when we get together. She took me out for a birthday hot chocolate.
Anyways that was my birthday. Yay for cool people who make me feel special. I like you all lots. People are cool :)
Anyways me and my flatmates are still curious about the mysterious but lovely giver of groceries... (see Mrs Yang's blog). If you happen to be reading this thankyou very muchly :)
Sunday, September 18, 2005
My new pet
I have joined in on the recent trend of adopting a pet.
This is my pink tiger called Spotty
This is my pink tiger called Spotty
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
A boring post about nothing in particular
I got to dress up twice in the past weekend. I like to dress up! It's so much fun.
First I got to dress up as a 1940s girl in my pretty dress. Then for a complete change I dressed up as a pirate for church on Sunday morning.
The Sunday school kids thought it was brilliant that there teacher was a pirate. I have two new boys in my class who are twins. They are the cutest, funniest kids! They have just turned 3, and they don't really know what Sunday school is all about yet so they are still pretty shy- except to each other.
Anyway onto another topic. I am doing a paper this semester called violence in society. It's really interesting, but pretty full on as well. I'm researching for an essay for it at the moment. The topic I'm doing is about Maori victims of domestic abuse, which is again really interesting but not particularly pleasant to read about. Especially the case studies.
I talked to my parents tonight. My conversations with them are pretty mundane and repetitive.
"Hello"
"Hi, It's Rachel"
"How are you?"
"I'm pretty good, what about you?"
"I'm good, What have you been doing?"
"Uni, hanging out with friends, {insert anything else important here}."
"Oh, just the usual then."
"Yep, what have you been up to?"
"Work, golf, {insert some sort of social event here}."
"Sounds good."
"Do you want to talk to Dad?"
"Sure"
"Hi"
"Hi"
Repeat above conversation with my dad instead of my mum.
"I think that's all our news, Bye."
"Ok, Bye."
All up that takes about 5 minutes, sometimes less.
Well I'm going to go now because I'm probably boring everyone since I really have nothing to say (incase you hadn't worked that out already).
First I got to dress up as a 1940s girl in my pretty dress. Then for a complete change I dressed up as a pirate for church on Sunday morning.
The Sunday school kids thought it was brilliant that there teacher was a pirate. I have two new boys in my class who are twins. They are the cutest, funniest kids! They have just turned 3, and they don't really know what Sunday school is all about yet so they are still pretty shy- except to each other.
Anyway onto another topic. I am doing a paper this semester called violence in society. It's really interesting, but pretty full on as well. I'm researching for an essay for it at the moment. The topic I'm doing is about Maori victims of domestic abuse, which is again really interesting but not particularly pleasant to read about. Especially the case studies.
I talked to my parents tonight. My conversations with them are pretty mundane and repetitive.
"Hello"
"Hi, It's Rachel"
"How are you?"
"I'm pretty good, what about you?"
"I'm good, What have you been doing?"
"Uni, hanging out with friends, {insert anything else important here}."
"Oh, just the usual then."
"Yep, what have you been up to?"
"Work, golf, {insert some sort of social event here}."
"Sounds good."
"Do you want to talk to Dad?"
"Sure"
"Hi"
"Hi"
Repeat above conversation with my dad instead of my mum.
"I think that's all our news, Bye."
"Ok, Bye."
All up that takes about 5 minutes, sometimes less.
Well I'm going to go now because I'm probably boring everyone since I really have nothing to say (incase you hadn't worked that out already).
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Experiment
I need to do an experiment on at least 10 people by Friday, and I'm looking for people who would be happy to do this. It's not hard, or scary, or anything negative like that.
So if you have some spare time and want to help me out then let me know somehow what time within the following time periods suits best:
Tuesday 12-4pm
Wednesday 12-4pm
Thursday 3-5pm
The experiment can be done anywhere, so if uni doesn't suit then you can make another place instead :)
So if you have some spare time and want to help me out then let me know somehow what time within the following time periods suits best:
Tuesday 12-4pm
Wednesday 12-4pm
Thursday 3-5pm
The experiment can be done anywhere, so if uni doesn't suit then you can make another place instead :)
Friday, September 02, 2005
In response to Lana's comment
Here's what I have to say about Lana's comment on my last post:
Like she said I like people, and I much prefer being with other people to being alone. Basically I'm an extrovert. However I do have a natural tendency to be quiet. I know this seems like a contradiction so I will now attempt to explain what I mean.
My personality psychology textbook from last year explains it quite well so I will paraphrase what it says. In general shy people are not introverts. The psychological term for shyness is social anxiety, meaning that shy people are scared of being evaluated negatively by other people. They want to have friends and spend lots of time with other people, but their fear of not being liked leads to them avoiding spending time with other people, and being quiet and rather inconspicuous when they do.
I used to be incredibly shy. I would pretty much never say anything to anyone. I was always worried that I'd said the wrong thing when I did say something, that people didn't like me or thought I was stupid. I'm no way near as shy as I used to be now. I have come to like the person I am, and I know that other people like me too. I do however still tend to be a quiet person at times.
I like to spend time with people but I have a tendency to wait until other people organise something before I do. I'm trying to work on this because obviously if I want to be invited to things I have to invite others to things too, however it's not easy to overcome a lifetime of being scared that other people won't want to do stuff with me.
Lana said that she sees me as being on the outside of the group. This may be true at times, although it's always a difficult thing to judge, but I see this as being my fault rather than anyone elses. Thanks for your concern Lana, I appreciate it, but I think the reason I don't always seem to get much 'attention' is because of me not anyone else.
I think that pretty much sums up my thoughts on that. I hope it makes sense :)
Like she said I like people, and I much prefer being with other people to being alone. Basically I'm an extrovert. However I do have a natural tendency to be quiet. I know this seems like a contradiction so I will now attempt to explain what I mean.
My personality psychology textbook from last year explains it quite well so I will paraphrase what it says. In general shy people are not introverts. The psychological term for shyness is social anxiety, meaning that shy people are scared of being evaluated negatively by other people. They want to have friends and spend lots of time with other people, but their fear of not being liked leads to them avoiding spending time with other people, and being quiet and rather inconspicuous when they do.
I used to be incredibly shy. I would pretty much never say anything to anyone. I was always worried that I'd said the wrong thing when I did say something, that people didn't like me or thought I was stupid. I'm no way near as shy as I used to be now. I have come to like the person I am, and I know that other people like me too. I do however still tend to be a quiet person at times.
I like to spend time with people but I have a tendency to wait until other people organise something before I do. I'm trying to work on this because obviously if I want to be invited to things I have to invite others to things too, however it's not easy to overcome a lifetime of being scared that other people won't want to do stuff with me.
Lana said that she sees me as being on the outside of the group. This may be true at times, although it's always a difficult thing to judge, but I see this as being my fault rather than anyone elses. Thanks for your concern Lana, I appreciate it, but I think the reason I don't always seem to get much 'attention' is because of me not anyone else.
I think that pretty much sums up my thoughts on that. I hope it makes sense :)
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Some thoughts :)
I've been road tripping the last few days with Lana. We drove up to Blenheim, across to Nelson, to Golden Bay and Farewell Spit and back, and then over the Lewis Pass back to Christchurch. All in three and a half days. Lots of fun and craziness.
Heres some of the stupid/crazy/funny things that happened over the three and a half days:
1) My $2.50 sunglasses cracked because the sun was too hot for them!!!
2) Having no fork/spoon, etc. when eating chinese food I used half of my broken sunglasses as a spoon things (the lens was the spoon bit, and the bit that goes behind your ear the handle). It worked quite well.
3) I hit myself in the head with the carseat.
4) I sung songs in silly voices.
5) I can't remember anything else but there's sure to be more. Ask Lana.
Here's some things I discovered/rediscovered/thought about on/after the trip:
1) I like my friends a lot and I missed them although I was only gone a little while. It was good spending time with Lana but I've spent lots of time with her these holidays and much less time with other people and I'm looking forward to hopefully seeing other people in the next few days. It was kind of different for me to have four days where I only really saw two other people (Lana and Jazz) and while I like them both lots it showed me how much I really like having lots of people around.
2) My parents (who we stayed a night with in Blenheim) have very different views on some important things, and their lfestyle is different from anything I ever want. Basically I have made my own choices in life and am my own person. This is all good, but the bit that is not good is that my parents want me to be something different and when I see them I tend to do and say some things they won't like just to annoy them. Bad Ray :(
3) We stayed with Jazz's family in Nelson for two nights. I really liked Jazz's family. They appeared to be close, and to really care about each other. And they weren't afraid to show it. It's the first time I've stayed with a Christian family, and the difference between them and my family the night before was quite obvious. If/when I have a family I would like it to be something like this.
4) Now that I'm back in Christchurch and my flatmates are both away I'm bored 'cos I want other people around. I went into uni today for a meeting for a group project and it was really good to see some other people. It really doesn't take me long to feel lonely when no one else is home. Ruth gets back tonight and I'm looking forward to it a lot, even though it's less than 24 hours since I got back myself.
5) I was reading from Luke last night, and this morning. I like how Luke makes it so clear how much Jesus cares about the people that no-one else wants anything to do with. These are the people I want to work with (eg. at-risk youth, abuse victims and perpetrators, disabled people). Obviously this isn't an easy area to work in and I've been thinking about how I'd relate to these people. It's all good to ask how Jesus would relate to them, but obviously I'm going to make mistakes and not relate to them in the best ways some times.
I think I'll stop there for now. There's more stuff I could say but I feel like I'm rambling on already. I'm going to go and enjoy the last of the sunny day :)
Heres some of the stupid/crazy/funny things that happened over the three and a half days:
1) My $2.50 sunglasses cracked because the sun was too hot for them!!!
2) Having no fork/spoon, etc. when eating chinese food I used half of my broken sunglasses as a spoon things (the lens was the spoon bit, and the bit that goes behind your ear the handle). It worked quite well.
3) I hit myself in the head with the carseat.
4) I sung songs in silly voices.
5) I can't remember anything else but there's sure to be more. Ask Lana.
Here's some things I discovered/rediscovered/thought about on/after the trip:
1) I like my friends a lot and I missed them although I was only gone a little while. It was good spending time with Lana but I've spent lots of time with her these holidays and much less time with other people and I'm looking forward to hopefully seeing other people in the next few days. It was kind of different for me to have four days where I only really saw two other people (Lana and Jazz) and while I like them both lots it showed me how much I really like having lots of people around.
2) My parents (who we stayed a night with in Blenheim) have very different views on some important things, and their lfestyle is different from anything I ever want. Basically I have made my own choices in life and am my own person. This is all good, but the bit that is not good is that my parents want me to be something different and when I see them I tend to do and say some things they won't like just to annoy them. Bad Ray :(
3) We stayed with Jazz's family in Nelson for two nights. I really liked Jazz's family. They appeared to be close, and to really care about each other. And they weren't afraid to show it. It's the first time I've stayed with a Christian family, and the difference between them and my family the night before was quite obvious. If/when I have a family I would like it to be something like this.
4) Now that I'm back in Christchurch and my flatmates are both away I'm bored 'cos I want other people around. I went into uni today for a meeting for a group project and it was really good to see some other people. It really doesn't take me long to feel lonely when no one else is home. Ruth gets back tonight and I'm looking forward to it a lot, even though it's less than 24 hours since I got back myself.
5) I was reading from Luke last night, and this morning. I like how Luke makes it so clear how much Jesus cares about the people that no-one else wants anything to do with. These are the people I want to work with (eg. at-risk youth, abuse victims and perpetrators, disabled people). Obviously this isn't an easy area to work in and I've been thinking about how I'd relate to these people. It's all good to ask how Jesus would relate to them, but obviously I'm going to make mistakes and not relate to them in the best ways some times.
I think I'll stop there for now. There's more stuff I could say but I feel like I'm rambling on already. I'm going to go and enjoy the last of the sunny day :)
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
People
I really like people. I like short people, tall people, and the ones in between. Blond hair, brown hair, red hair, blue hair. Curly hair, straight hair. Short hair, long hair. Blue eyes, brown eyes, green eyes, hazel eyes. People are really cool :)
I like personalities too. I like the fact that every person is different, and yet we are still all people, and therefore are still essentially the same in many ways. I like that everyone has different experiences, and that even the experiences we do share are perceived in a different way for each person.
What I don't like is when I dismiss people, or judge them when I don't know much about them. And yet I still do this all the time. I don't like that I find it so easy to blame something someone else does on them, whereas I'll blame things that I do on the situation. I don't like the way that when I honestly look at myself I see how much I fail at being the person I want to be.
I really like people. Each one is amazing, unique, special, and precious. So why is it that I don't show this in my actions? Why is it that when I try my hardest to be the best person I can possibly be, when I ask God to help me to be better, when I make an effort to really care about and love people for who they are, I seem to end up further back from where I started?
I like personalities too. I like the fact that every person is different, and yet we are still all people, and therefore are still essentially the same in many ways. I like that everyone has different experiences, and that even the experiences we do share are perceived in a different way for each person.
What I don't like is when I dismiss people, or judge them when I don't know much about them. And yet I still do this all the time. I don't like that I find it so easy to blame something someone else does on them, whereas I'll blame things that I do on the situation. I don't like the way that when I honestly look at myself I see how much I fail at being the person I want to be.
I really like people. Each one is amazing, unique, special, and precious. So why is it that I don't show this in my actions? Why is it that when I try my hardest to be the best person I can possibly be, when I ask God to help me to be better, when I make an effort to really care about and love people for who they are, I seem to end up further back from where I started?
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Procrastination is a great motivator :)
Look at this! Two posts within 24 hours. This is a very definite change from the gap between my last post.
And all because of procrastination. Who said procrastination is not motivating. It just motivates you to do the wrong things that's all.
Anyway I'm slowly working my way through the essay that is due tomorrow. And I think it is beginning to make sense, but maybe I shouldn't say that because whenever I think that words seems to jump around in the computer and I open my essay again and I think huh???
Well I better go back to not procrastinating now. Somebody better tell me if anything interesting/important (like pigs or other farm animals flying) happens today or tomorrow 'cos I'm going to be holed up at uni.
And all because of procrastination. Who said procrastination is not motivating. It just motivates you to do the wrong things that's all.
Anyway I'm slowly working my way through the essay that is due tomorrow. And I think it is beginning to make sense, but maybe I shouldn't say that because whenever I think that words seems to jump around in the computer and I open my essay again and I think huh???
Well I better go back to not procrastinating now. Somebody better tell me if anything interesting/important (like pigs or other farm animals flying) happens today or tomorrow 'cos I'm going to be holed up at uni.
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